Crazy Pregnant Lady Attacked By Seagulls!

First, Whoa! Two posts in one week! I must be ill...

Or better yet, I must be getting back to me! Hooray for that, Gosh, I miss writing.

Anyway, yesterday I woke up at 6am to the sound of my Kits (kitties) banging their "empty" food dishes in total disgust.

Im not kidding either.

Love-Bug (Otherwise known as Miss-Attitude-Kitty) literally lifts the food bowl with her paw and then slams the bowl down on the floor.

"Bang!"....pause...."Bang!".....pause..."Bang!"....

You get the picture.

I, slightly annoyed that it is 6am, look at the Kits and say, "Ya know...Im pregnant here! Give me a break...I forgot to get you food last night...I don't think you are starving to death!"

To which Love-Bug practically rolls her eyes like a thirteen year old and eats a piece of lint off the carpet.

"Ok! OK! I get it!" I sigh and get dressed faster than I have in four months.

I then realize Target doesn't open for 1 1/2 hours...and I don't know where else to go to get Iams Weight Control Food...so I hop in the car and stop at Caribou Coffee for a much needed scone.

I plow through the business men and teenagers waiting for school to start...and plop my Visa on the counter with a dramatic sigh...

"A cinnamon scone please and a small cup of Decaf."

"Sure thing!" The much-too-perky cashier smiles.

I get my fix and scramble back to the car...my coffee tastes like heaven and the scone? The scone is like eating a piece of slightly flavored cardboard...But Gosh, it tastes amazing! Im sooo not picky when Im pregnant...if it's food, I'll eat it.

So anyway, I pull into the parking lot of Target and munch on my cardboard... sip my yummy Decaf...and listen to the radio...

Only eight minutes to go before Target is open!

And then, I spot them.

There, about twenty feet from my car, is a group of cute little seagulls also waiting for Target to open.

They are cute and patient...huddled together as if having a party...

and then, I get the worst idea EVER.

I should give them some of my cardboard scone! They'd love it!

So without a second thought, I get my pregnant bum out of the car and reach into my paper bag for a nice little chunk of scone to throw at one seagull who is by himself....

I toss it rather nicely too, it lands a mere inch from him! (And Ben says I throw like a girl! HA!)

BUT, right away I sense a problem.

All the other cute seagulls must have eyes on the back of their heads...because suddenly they are all standing up and squawking....and flying over to me.

And here's a funny observation, the little group of seagulls....was not so little! There must have been 50 of them!

I quickly threw another chunk of scone to stop them from coming closer...but yea, that just made it worse.

I quickly scanned the parking lot for help...maybe I could jump in a cart and wheel myself into Target?

The seagulls are now everywhere! They are flying inches above me...some are walking towards me with drool hanging from their mouths...all the while every single one of them is squawking louder and louder...

I panic.

I am six months pregnant and I am going to be attacked by 100 seagulls! What a horrible way to go! Everyone will laugh at me! I'll be forever known as the Seagull Lady!

I began to sprint to the Target entrance...the seagulls, following my every move, start to dive at my scone bag...

And then, of course, to my horror, I notice that 10 Target employees are out having a cigarette break and are all pointing towards me and laughing.

Hahahahaha. Jerks! Way to help a PREGNANT LADY! I THINK YOU CAN GO TO HELL FOR THAT!

I make it into the store and realize I have dumped half of my Decaf all over my shirt.

But, I'm alive!!

Who cares about a stupid shirt when you almost were killed by Seagulls!?

Well, actually, I did care a little...but that's because Im pregnant and well, crazy.

So there.

My lesson for the day...


Seagulls love scones

and

pregnant chicks.



XOXO ~Shells