Where can I get some "ZZZ's?"

FYI Since Last Entry:

Number of Candy Bars Eaten: 1 twix bar
Number of times I have peed: 2,858
Number of times I have said "whatever: 8,952
Number of pounds I have gained: 1

My Gosh.

Im so tired.

Its like someone ran a flippin' marathon, in my body, without asking permission or informing ahead of time!

The nerve!

In fact, I am so tired that I nearly fell asleep while standing today.

Standing!

I mean, this coming from a girl that needs Nyquil on a semi-regular basis to simply fall asleep at night.

And to make it worse, I looked online at what my little "embryo" looks like...

and get this...

its the size of a sesame seed!

Ha!

That little sesame seed is taking all my ZZZ's and I want them back.

Ok, Ok, thats a tad selfish.

But short of quitting my job so I can snooze all day...Im at a loss.

And ah-hem, your not supposed to yum-it-up on the caffeine either!

Yea, who's the little baby here?

Me.


Anyhoo,

There are literally 7 people that know about the little sesame seed.

Three are relatives...two are friends...

one is someone I work with...

and then there is some lady at some chinese food place that Ben told.

I guess he had to get it out and she was nearby.

It's kind of odd hiding such a BIG event from the ones closest to you...

I feel as though my Mom can see right through me!

Everytime she looks at me, my mind starts to race...

"Ok, she's looking at my swollen boobs. She knows."

"She just looked straight into my eyes. She knows."

"She just offered me a piece of chicken. She totally knows!"

It's also fun, in a sick and twisted kind of way...

knowing that this Mothers Day is going to out-do ones before.

Knowing that my parents are going to be Pappa and Nanna...or whatever they want to be called just brings a little tear to my eye.


What else can I possibly blabber on about?

Well, my boobs are killing me.

And by killing...I mean KILLING.

It's as if an entire stampede of elephants has decided to call my chest home.

Constant pain.

And Im told, "It's gets better and then it gets wayyyy worse once the baby is born"

Good God!

Worse??

Obviously you have no idea what Im feeling right now....

nothing could be worse...

Or could it!?

Ek! The very thought scares the shit out of me.

Especially scince I will not be breastfeeding.

Selfish?

Perhapes.

But it's my choice and I say no no and no.

Thanks though, it was a nice thought...for about two seconds.


Im probably a measley 4 weeks along... and yet, The funny thing is I have started to obessess about the oddest things...

such as...

1. Stretch Marks.

Gosh! I mean, as if we do not go through enough as women we have to endure battle wounds as well!? Ek! Im already "battled" up enough already, I dont need anymore "love scars" (as some INSANE women descibed them online!) I want a smooth, cute, round belly that everyones envious of! Not a highway of lines!

So, I've already purchased three different kinds of cream. And dammit, dont tell me they wont work cuz Im trying them anyway! (It doesnt hurt to try right? RIGHT? Thats it...nod with me...)



This next topic is not for the faint of heart...or the faint of noses. (like me!)

2. Poop.

Yup thats right, all forms of it too.

Me pooping on the doctor if I give birth the good ol fashioned way.
Me pooping on the baby and it getting a horrible disease.

Me pooping if I give birth through c-section.

And finally the baby pooping.

I gag at my husbands aroma.... how am I going to handle a little one!

Let me just say that I am old enough to remember the smells that came from my little newborn sister...and you needed a gas mask to survive longer than ten minutes! And the colors! I swear she pooped straight green one time.

I was obviously scarred for life.

I am deathly afraid of popping on the delivery table. Do not ask me why... I cannot even come to terms with it myself.

It's 8 months away and Im already preparing myself to fast.

No food= no poop.

I kid, I kid.

But it seriously has me freaking out...already!


3. Names.

Dreaming about names is fun.

Fun until you realize the last name you have to work with is short and akward.

How people pick out such fabulous names is beyond me!

Of course it could be because my brain refuses to function because little sesame seed is using all my energy up.

Anyway...

Im convinced my child will be named Whatever.

Because thats all that comes out of my mouth lately.

So see... 4 weeks, 5 weeks, 6 weeks, how ever far along I am...

one thing is for sure.

I have a long way to go...

and it's going to be one hell of a ride.

Let's hope I stay awake for it.

First Doctors Appointment: April 26th, 2006 (ek!)

More Later....